Up until today, I would describe my journey-to-better as exciting. I’ve eaten better – and written more – this past couple of weeks than I have in a long while. It’s felt good knowing I am finally doing something to help myself get back on track with both my eating and my call to writing – the two areas I struggle with most.
But today? Today, I’m tired. I’m tired of cooking. Tired of avoiding sugar-free coffee creamers laden with artificial sweeteners. Tired of passing on concession food and quick, convenient fast-food meals. Tired of planning ahead and packing lunchboxes filled with healthy, precooked options.
Yes, I know. These are all good things for me to do. But I’m still tired of doing them.
Why? Because doing these good things – making these wise choices – requires effort on my part. And lots of it. Though I know – if continued – they’ll spur me on to victory, I still find myself growing weary of them. And because I’m growing weary, I’m also growing fearful.
As fear creeps in, I hear it whispering discouragement in my ear. You can’t do this! It’s too hard. It requires too much. You simply don’t have time. As those untruths settle into my fatigued heart, fear punches me with the biggest lie yet. You’re about to blow this thing – again!
A few days ago, I fell short of reaching my daily writing goal of 500 words. I accepted a challenge to write 500 words a day for 30 days straight; twelve days in, I failed the challenge. I felt defeated. I had not done what I set out to do. Once again, I had allowed the urgencies of life to sidetrack me from matters of greater importance. And once again, I sensed fear nudging its way in.
So I stand before you today, facing a crossroad. Where do I go from here?
Boldly looking within myself, I acknowledge the magnitude of weakness staring back at me. But as daunting as it seems, I absolutely must not succumb to failure. Though I’m tired and weary and afraid, I must pick myself up, dust off my jeans, dig my heels in deeper and try again.
Yes, the honeymoon phase is over. The excitement is fading. The reality that this is real, hard work is setting in. Not only that, but the reality that this real, hard work isn’t short-term. This is something I desire for myself from here on out.
I’m holding out hope that sometime soon today’s difficult choices will become second nature – both to me and to those walking this road with me. When that day arrives, each of us will joyfully look back, knowing it was worth the effort.
But until then, as we tackle the uphill leg of this journey, we need something to strengthen our resolve. Something to hold onto. Something to keep us moving in the right direction.
More than that, we need someONE. Someone who’ll walk with us. Someone who’ll walk ahead of us. Someone who’ll lead us on to victory.
Friend, if we want to pull through the muck, land in places of success and remain there, we absolutely must stick close to the One who’s capable of guiding us into those places.
That’s how we do it. Walking together. Walking with Him.
“Always let him lead you, and he will clear the road for you to follow.” Proverbs 3:6 (CEV)